People say healing is a solo journey.
They say you can’t love someone else until you love yourself, and while that sounds good on a podcast or printed across an Instagram square, the reality is more complicated.
The truth?
You can start your healing alone.
But you can’t finish it that way.
Because the wound happened in relationship.
And so will the restoration.
I used to take pride in isolation.
I wore emotional self-sufficiency like a badge. If I could cry in private, recover without being seen, build my world with no help, and never need anyone—that meant I was strong, right?
No.
It meant I was scared.
It meant I believed the lie that pain must be protected, not processed. That vulnerability was dangerous. That being “low maintenance” was the goal.
But the longer I held everything in, the heavier I became.
And eventually, even I couldn’t carry it anymore.
The Performance of Independence
There is a certain performance we reward in this culture:
- The woman who never asks for anything
- The man who never shows weakness
- The couple who “never fights”
But independence is often just emotional self-abandonment in costume.
Healing in solitude can help you see yourself.
But it won’t teach you how to be held.
Why You Can Start Alone
You should start alone—not because others can’t help, but because you need a moment without noise.
You need to:
- Hear your own voice
- Identify the false beliefs you’ve inherited
- Sit in the parts of your story you’ve skipped
This is sacred. This is sovereignty.
But if you build a temple no one else can enter, you don’t live healed. You live hidden.
Healing Requires a Mirror
Here’s where it gets honest:
You can process your childhood in theory.
You can write in journals and repeat affirmations.
But you’ll never know what still hurts until someone touches it.
Until someone says:
“I’m not leaving.”
“I see you.”
“I’m not trying to fix you—I just want to be here while you fix yourself.”
Real connection will always test the part of you that thinks it’s done healing.
What Healing Really Looks Like
- Saying, “I need help,” and not swallowing it halfway
- Letting someone into the memory you never told anyone
- Admitting that sometimes, you don’t want to be strong today
- Asking for softness and not apologizing after you ask
It’s messy. It’s sacred. And it’s rarely linear.
A Note to the Ones Who’ve Been the Strongest
You don’t get extra credit for being unbreakable.
You don’t get legacy points for surviving alone.
You get freedom when you finally stop pretending you don’t bleed.
Let someone see you mid-process.
Let someone love you before you feel lovable again.
Let someone say, “I got you,” and believe them.
Start alone.
Sit with the fire.
Clean the wound.
Name the pain.
But when you’re ready to feel safe again—
Let someone light a match beside you.
Let someone say your name back to you in a way that makes it feel whole again.
Because healing starts in silence.
But it ends in connection.